Living in one country while your child lives in another does not mean giving up your relationship with them. Distance changes the way contact takes place, not the right to remain present in your child’s life. For a parent who has moved abroad, or who has always lived there, the main challenge is organisational: creating a sustainable schedule, dividing holidays and festive periods, managing travel and expenses, and maintaining regular contact despite the distance. In this guide, we explain how contact rights work in an international context, how time with the child can be organised in practice and what can be done when the other parent fails to comply with the agreed arrangements.
Contact rights when one parent lives abroad: how they work
The end of the parents’ relationship does not end the bond between parent and child. A parent who lives far away continues to have responsibilities towards the child and, with them, the right to maintain regular contact. Contact rights when one parent lives abroad are not a favour granted by the other parent, but a legally protected position. European law defines this right broadly: it includes the right to meet the child and also the right to take the child, for a limited period, to a place other than the child’s habitual residence.
For a parent living in another country, this point is crucial. It means that the relationship is not limited to brief supervised meetings, but may include longer periods during which the child travels to the country where the parent lives or spends holidays with them. This approach protects the continuity of the relationship, recognising that geographical distance should not become emotional distance.
The main reference point for establishing and changing contact arrangements remains the place where the child has the effective centre of their life, namely their habitual residence. As long as the child lives permanently in Italy, the Italian authorities are responsible for decisions concerning them, and arrangements for contact with the parent abroad must be organised within this framework. Understanding this from the outset helps to formulate realistic requests and create a stable arrangement, rather than relying on temporary agreements that are likely to cause conflict every time circumstances change.
Contact between children and parents living in different countries: how to organise the schedule
When the mother and father live in different countries, the traditional arrangement of alternating weekends is no longer practical. Contact between children and parents living in different countries requires a tailored schedule that takes into account distance, travel time and the child’s school routine. The aim is not to increase the number of journeys, but to concentrate time together into meaningful and predictable periods.
In practice, the schedule tends to prioritise longer blocks of time: summer holidays, Christmas and Easter holidays, school breaks and longer public holiday weekends. Extended weekends may also be included where the geographical distance allows. The key is planning. Agreeing dates well in advance makes it possible to organise travel, purchase tickets at more favourable prices and give the child the reassurance of knowing when they will next see the parent who lives abroad.
A well structured schedule does not simply identify the relevant periods. It also regulates the practical details: who accompanies the child, where handovers take place, what happens in the event of unforeseen circumstances and how travel documents are renewed. The more detailed the arrangements are, the less room there is for misunderstandings and conflict. A reasonable degree of flexibility should also be maintained, because unforeseen events may occur, but always within a shared and written framework. The best approach is to formalise the schedule so that it becomes a stable reference point for both parents and, above all, a guarantee of continuity for the child, who finds valuable stability in regular contact.
International custody and the organisation of contact
Many parents living abroad wonder whether distance has reduced them to a secondary role. The answer is no. Even when the parents live in different countries, custody generally remains shared, based on the principle that both parents are important to the child. International custody does not remove your role as a parent. It simply requires you to exercise it in a way that is compatible with the distance. You continue to participate, together with the other parent, in the decisions that truly shape your child’s life, including education and healthcare.
Within this framework, the organisation of contact is where that principle becomes practical. It is not enough to state that the parent living abroad has the right to spend time with the child. It is necessary to determine how, when and under what safeguards that contact will take place. The shared custody framework is precisely what allows the parent abroad to seek adequate periods of time with the child and prevents distance from being used as a reason to reduce the relationship to occasional contact.
There is also a distinction that prevents many disputes in practice. Major decisions concerning the child’s life must be taken jointly. Day to day decisions, by contrast, are made by the parent caring for the child at that particular time. Keeping these two areas separate helps avoid conflicts that might otherwise arise on every occasion. Another important point is that contact arrangements are not fixed permanently, because the needs of a young child differ from those of a teenager. It is therefore advisable to create an arrangement that is stable but capable of being reviewed, so that it can adapt to the child’s different stages of development without having to be completely rebuilt each time.
Holidays, festive periods and travel: who organises and who pays?
Holidays and festive periods are at the heart of a long distance parent child relationship, because they allow the parent living abroad to spend extended time with the child. It is precisely in these periods that contact rights demonstrate their broader scope, including the right to take the child, for a limited period, to the country where the parent lives. Summer holidays are suitable for longer stays, while festive periods are generally divided on an alternating basis, allowing the child to spend Christmas, Easter and other important occasions with each parent in turn.
Two issues should be clearly defined from the outset: who organises the travel and who pays for it. Organisation concerns journeys, accompaniment and the necessary documents, and should be allocated fairly so that the entire responsibility does not fall on one parent. The financial issue concerns travel costs, which may be divided according to each parent’s financial circumstances and the overall arrangements between them, including any maintenance orders.
The most effective solution is to regulate everything in writing: the relevant periods, the alternation of festive occasions, travel arrangements, the allocation of expenses and the management of unexpected events. A detailed agreement is not excessive formalism. It prevents the need to renegotiate every occasion and reduces opportunities for conflict. When parents are able to cooperate, holidays become peaceful and eagerly anticipated periods. When there is no clear framework, even a simple journey may become a source of dispute. For the child, knowing that stable rules are in place means experiencing these moments as opportunities for happiness rather than as areas of tension between the adults.
Virtual contact and communication at a distance
Several weeks may pass between one stay and another, and for a child this can feel like a long time. For this reason, the relationship with the parent living abroad cannot be limited to periods of physical contact. It must also be maintained through regular communication in everyday life. Video calls, messages, telephone calls and the sharing of small daily moments are now a natural part of maintaining the relationship and provide an important complement to in person contact.
For remote communication to work properly, it should also be organised with a minimum degree of structure. Agreeing recurring days and times helps the child incorporate contact into their routine without experiencing it as a disruption, and protects the parent living abroad from the risk that calls are repeatedly postponed or forgotten. The parent with whom the child lives should facilitate these moments by making the necessary devices available and respecting the privacy of the conversations without intrusive supervision.
Virtual contact does not replace time spent together, but it prepares for it and extends it. It allows the parent to follow the child’s development, take part in their school progress and remain a daily point of reference even from another country. The frequency should reflect the child’s age and commitments, avoiding both excessive contact and long periods of silence. Including remote communication in the overall agreement, alongside the physical contact schedule, is the most forward looking choice. It gives everyone a clear point of reference and recognises that the bond with a parent is measured not only in days on a calendar, but in the consistency of their presence in whatever form that presence may take.
What to do if the contact agreement is not respected
It may happen that, despite an agreement or court order, the other parent obstructs contact through repeated postponements, difficulties with travel or restrictions on remote communication. In these circumstances, it is important to know that the parent living abroad is not without legal protection. A decision recognising contact rights does not apply only in the country where it was issued, but is also intended to produce effects elsewhere.
Within the European Union, the system is particularly favourable. Decisions granting contact rights are among those that benefit from a streamlined circulation system. They are recognised and enforced in another Member State without the need for a special recognition procedure, on the basis of a specific certificate issued by the authority that made the decision. The parent may therefore apply to the competent enforcement authority in the country where the child is located, submitting the decision and the relevant certificate. Central authorities also play an important role in this process by cooperating across borders to facilitate the practical implementation of contact rights.
Where the child lives in a country outside the European Union, the effectiveness of the decision depends on the applicable international conventions and agreements between the countries concerned, and the procedure may be more complex. In every situation, the correct response is not to take matters into one’s own hands, for example by keeping the child beyond the agreed period, because this could have serious consequences. The effective course of action is to use the available legal remedies and document every breach carefully. Relying on a lawyer experienced in international family law makes it possible to identify the correct remedy and enforce contact rights as efficiently as possible. The Law Firm remains available to assess the specific circumstances of each case.
